FAQ

Why Study The Four Wires Of You program and your personality language?

Understanding your own personality (and the personalities of those around you) makes you better equipped to handle all relationships successfully. Knowing about your personality will liberate you to do and become what your creator has made you to do. It helps you find your purpose. Studying about your personality can help you clarify your life’s purpose and stop wasting time on toxic relationships, negative thoughts, and self-sabotaging beliefs. You can do this by understanding why you act the way you do. You will understand your strengths and your struggles, and learn how to take things or situations from a tragedy to a triumph. The program empowers you to be yourself and own your power. An added bonus to the program is learning how others perceive you. We judge ourselves by our intentions, and others judge us on our actions. Rarely do both of these end up on the “same page,” thus resulting in conflict. Understanding another’s personality language can help you adjust your approach and communication to “speak their language” for more effective communication. Effective communication and understanding helps you figure out why you have a problem with these people in the first place. The program includes classes on the basic blueprint for learning about Personality types: How To Make Things Right By Getting E.V.E.N., the real potential for stress-free relationships from learning about others, and why they act the way they do. The real question isn’t “Why should I study The Four Wires Of You program?” but more like, “How can I not study The Four Wires Of You program?”

How to use The Four Wires Of You to your advantage:

1. Knowing Yourself
2. Nothing is as powerful and liberating as knowing yourself, and understanding why you act the way you do. It can explain why you don’t get along with certain personality types, and more importantly, how to make adjustments so you can find a common ground and begin to have a peaceful relationship. Use the knowledge of your personality to guide you in your marriage, friendships, family, and affiliations. The possibilities are endless – this knowledge clears the fog about why things are not working in your life.
3. Getting Along with Others
4. Learning how to identify the personality language of others is invaluable. It takes practice, but once you can spot a Hammer (for example), you will know that they do not appreciate small chit-chat. If you are a Flashlight, then you will adjust your approach and only give them “bullet points” for information. In return, if they can identify you as a Flashlight, then they will respect your need for small talk and be more inclined to engage in what you need. You will learn how to apply The Four Wires Of You’s unique I AM Method for identifying and adjusting your approach to the different personalities for effective communication. After all, effective communication is speaking the language the listener can hear. Learn the tools and tips for getting what you want by giving others what they need.
5. Work Life
6. Understanding your personality can help in choosing a career that is right for you, one that will utilize your strengths and minimize your struggles. If you are a big picture person, for example, it’s not wise to go into accounting where detail is a must. Knowing about the personalities of your boss or co-workers can certainly minimize conflict. If you understand your boss and his/her management and presentation style, then it is easier to avoid problems. Imagine when it comes to your review time, and you are acutely aware of your struggles and already have a plan in place to help correct them. Won’t your boss be impressed? Hint: if your boss is a Hammer and you are a Remote Control, they will love that you are proactive instead of reactive, and will be less likely to “hammer you“ in your review. If your boss is a Tape Measure and has a problem with your lack of attention to detail, you can admit it and recognize that this skill is important to your boss. You can then negotiate what is specifically important to your job, and what is important because it is your boss’s need for all things to be perfect. Learn to know the difference, and accept that while nobody is perfect, your boss may have unwritten rules that you should be. In this situation, you compromise. How can you compromise, though, if you don’t even understand your personality, with all of its strength and struggles, or that of your boss? Knowledge is POWER, and is totally FREEING.
7. Relationships

8. This is another key area where we all have difficulties from time to time. These can be problems in your marriage, with family (kids, siblings, in-laws, etc.), work, or in your community. We see the biggest benefit of knowing each other’s personality language in marriage. More often than not, we marry our opposite personality. Opposites do attract, but do they stay together long-term? While I do not have a crystal ball that can tell if couples will stay together, what I do have is the tool that will make sure you have all the information you need to make the best choice for you. You will be certain that you tried everything to understand your partner’s personality language, and how the differences in your personality languages affect your communication. By knowing the personality language of your partners, children (young to emerging young adult), co-workers, etc., you can help each relationship grow and develop. Without knowing the different personality languages, a breakdown in communication can cause anger, resentment, or even separation.

   By taking the classes offered by The Four Wires Of You, you will be able to know and understand why you act the way you do, why others act the way they do, and eliminate conflict with your partners, kids, in-laws, roommates, co-workers, or anyone you have issues with. I can make this promise to you: if you give me your time, I will not waste it. Through The Four Wires Of You program, you will see your own life – doing what you want, how you want to do it – by learning about your personality (and how others view you), and learning about others and their personalities. As we say at the 4 Wires U… “Your YOU affects your DO”

Can You Change Your Personality?

No, you cannot change your natural born hardwiring, i.e. your personality. You can, however, influence your behaviors and thereby believe you have changed, but you are what God created you to be and you can’t change that.

The biggest misconception I see, for people believing they have changed, is when someone puts on a “mask” of behaviors that were not part of their natural born personality. It is almost obvious and painful to witness. It takes so much energy to be something that you are not hardwired to be. You may be able to have this “changed” behavior for a while, but when real stress hits, you will default to your natural born hardwiring. Haven’t you been in a room when someone who is trying to be funny and the life of the party, but it’s awkward and painful to watch? Every joke goes flat, and it eventually makes everyone uncomfortable. This is usually a sign that someone is “masking” a personality they are not born with. Some reasons for masking can be:

1. Parenting mistakes: Parents may require things from you that don’t align with your natural hardwiring. This is an explanation, not an excuse for your behavior. After all, you have God’s gift of free will.
2. Sexual and emotional abuse
3. Adapting to a spouse
4. Seeking popularity
5. Hiding pain

Are You Wearing A Mask?

If your personality identification test (or your general understanding of the subject) indicates that you have a personality made up of any of these opposing combinations, look deeper into your own life. Which feels true to you? While you may be functioning fine with this split-personality today, you will be happier and healthier when you are free to be who God created you to be. But don’t just throw the baby out with the bath water – keep some of the good qualities you’ve consciously learned. You can grow and mature. If you believe you are “masking behaviors,” take the basic blueprint class, How To Make Things Right By Getting E.V.E.N, and learn how to get what you want by giving others what they need.

Can You Change Other Peoples’ Personalities?

If you cannot change your own personality, it’s clear that you can’t change someone else’s. That doesn’t stop us, however, from trying to “change” someone else, or make it any less difficult to accept that they are just hardwired that way. This is a real problem in marriage and child rearing. Once we stop trying to change someone else and accept their hardwiring, we can then begin to understand them. If you know and understand this concept: “we all give what WE need, not what OTHERS need to receive,” you can stop for a moment and ask yourself “are they doing this to me or for me?” The inspiration you will receive by taking my classes will help you understand yourself (and others) much better, thus resulting in a stress-free, drama-free, happy relationships.

Why Do People Marry Their Opposite Personality?

While I would like to impress you with my vast knowledge of the personalities, nobody knows the true answer to this question. I do have a theory that makes sense, though. What attracts us to our opposite personality is often that the strength we see in them is the struggle we have in ourselves. What comes to them naturally is something we may struggle with. We want what they have naturally. For example, a Hammer may appreciate the easy-going nature of the Remote Control. A disorganized and forgetful Flashlight appreciates the orderly manner of the Tape Measure. Unfortunately, we realize over time that our natural strengths are usually their natural struggles, which can cause friction or even feelings of betrayal.

Why Do Different Personalities Irritate Us?

Again, it’s usually a matter of strengths and struggles. A straightforward Hammer is irritated by a highly verbal, story-telling Flashlight. A highly organized Tape Measure finds a Remote Control’s laid back nature to be irritating. The Remote Control is most likely to ignore these irritations. The Hammer is most likely to bring them out in the open. It goes back to not knowing or understanding the differences in the personality languages. We ask questions like, “why do they do that,” or “what makes people act the way they do?” When we ask these questions, we are really asking, “why aren’t they doing what I would do?” We are irritated because people do not give us what we need, they give us what they need.

Is One Personality “Better” Than Another?

Each of us is who we are – we are hardwired that way based on our inherited personality characteristics. Each personality type, at one time or another, thinks another type is “better,” but that feeling is usually related to something they admire, but are unable do quite so easily. An example of this is when a quiet Remote Control envies the Flashlight’s easy, outgoing manner. Or, the disorganized Flashlight may envy the Tape Measures natural organization and attention to detail. Each type of personality is better at some things and worse at others. The skill is to match the personality to the situation, which rarely happens in real life. No personality is better than the other, just different. Different is not wrong.

What Jobs Are The Best for Each Personality?

This is a very broad question, and there are many other factors to consider. In general, though, Hammers make good managers or executives if they can control their tendency to criticize and get angry. Flashlights make good teachers if they can keep themselves organized. Remote Controls make good counselors or pastors – anywhere non-critical listening and relating can be helpful. Tape Measures are good anywhere organization is important, including law and medical professions. Hammers don’t like jobs where easily relating to others is important. Remote Controls don’t care for jobs where they must be outgoing or talkative. Tape Measures dislike jobs where they have little control over their circumstances. Flashlights don’t like jobs where they must work alone for long periods of time.

What Are Quick “Cues” I Can Use to Identify or “Read” a Person’s Personality?

We can recognize emotional and environmental needs, visual, vocal, and vocabulary clues, and natural desires to help identify the personalities. Again, Remote Controls will be calm, cool, and collected. Tape Measures will be precise, analytical, and critical in conversation. A Flashlight will always be the most verbal, and will often be a “toucher” or “hugger.” The Hammer will be the most opinionated, straightforward and angered easily. My E.V.E.N. method is key for identifying the different personality types, and the I.A.M technique is essential for making the small adjustments to speak others’ personality language for effective, stress-free communication and understanding.

I Hate My Job. Is This a Personality Thing?

If you dislike your job because it doesn’t ‘fit” your type, then yes, it might be personality related. It could be that your environmental needs are not being met. I suggest you list the things you dislike about your job. For example, is it a task or relationship-oriented job, detail or big picture, etc. – not “it doesn’t pay enough.” Compare it to your personality strengths and struggles. This should give you a better perspective of whether or not the dissatisfaction with your job is based on your personality.

I Love My Husband (Wife, Child), But I Can’t Stand Certain Traits They Have. How Can I Change Them?

You cannot change a person’s personality any more than you can change someone’s eye color. Real change only comes when the person sees the need to make change, and not a moment before. The reality is that they can’t change their hardwiring, but they can modify their behavior. Forced change is never real, and can cause unhappiness and friction. Encourage their natural strengths and discourage their natural struggles. Realize that you may also cause that same feeling in others that do not share your personality. As my mother used to say, “people in glass houses should not throw stones.” She also used to say, “accept the positive and eliminate the negative.” Ask yourself why their traits really bother you. Maybe it’s something you struggle with yourself. We all do it – disliking something in someone else that we wished we could be. Just take a moment and ask that question the next time they seem to annoy you. Once you understand their personality, you will have the answer to why their traits annoy you, and what exactly you can do about it.

How Do The Personalities Relate to A Person’s Level of Anger or Fear?

People will often operate out of fear or anger. It depends where they are in their strength or struggle that decides their level or anger (i.e. what sets them off) or fear. Everyone experiences fear and anger. The Remote Control experiences the most fear, while the Hammer experiences the most anger. The Tape Measure fears being out of control of situations and not being perfect. The Flashlight has quick bursts of anger that pass as quickly as they start.

Do Men’s and Women’s Personalities Differ Substantially?

Personality is personality. There are Hammer men and women, just as there are Flashlight men and women. Gender is only one of many environmental factors that influence behavior. Others include upbringing, culture, education, and moral/religious beliefs. The core desires of the personalities are the same for both men and women. For example, a Hammer man has the same basic desire for control as the Hammer woman. What makes them different is the method they choose to maintain their control. The method may be slightly different, but the underlying need for control is the same.

If I Can’t Change My Personality, Then What Good Is It to Know About It?

Understanding your personality has many benefits, such as understanding others better or being able to communicate effectively with people whose personality language is different from your own. While you can’t change your personality type, you can change your behavior. Knowing about your personality struggles can help reduce their impact on your life. Knowing your personality strengths can help you release more of them into your life. The reality is that your strengths, carried to the extreme, can become your struggles. Feed your strengths starve your struggles. Understand your personality and how it impacts others. Being able to adjust accordingly is the key for mastering behavior modification and good relationships.